a job offer...

 I received two pieces of mail today.  One was a tax form (yes, it's that time of year) and the other was a job offer.  A brightly colored postcard offered me a new career as a "school custodial engineer."  The listed qualifications didn't seem too difficult. "Light maintenance experience (changing lightbulbs, filters, etc)."  Well, I can change a light bulb, and in the past I've changed furnace filters.  I read on. Next they wanted an "ability to work in a school environment."  Well, many years ago I was a junior high art teacher.  That should count.  Finally they wanted "excellent attendance" and "ability to work independently."  Ok, that sounds reasonable, so I checked the benefits.  Full time, first shift employees would earn $17.50 an hour while second shift custodians would only earn $15.  I'm guessing the custodians who worked while kids were present were getting extra as hazard pay.  They are also offering insurance and paid vacations.  Tempting, but after careful consideration I have decided to remain retired.  Don't get me wrong, I have a great deal of respect for school custodians.  My best friend's father was a school custodian and so were my own aunt and uncle.  As a brand new art teacher, fresh out of college, I quickly learned that the custodian was my best friend.  I remember one patiently explaining to me, as he disassembled the pipes under my scrub sink, that I should never, ever let the students wash plaster of Paris residue down the drain.  When you mix plaster of Paris with water in the right proportion and pour it into a half gallon milk carton it will harden into a lovely chunk of plaster that can be carved into an interesting sculpture by an enthusiastic seventh grader.  What I hadn't thought about was that after the students mixed their plaster/water blend, and waited for it to harden, they rinsed their hands off in the sink and all that plaster glop settled in the U bends of the sink pipes and hardened there at the same time it was hardening in the milk cartons.  The patient custodian told me firmly to always have them rinse their hands in a bucket of water which he would later dump outside, or, and he obviously thought this was a better solution, that I never, ever do this project again.